Friday, 17 July 2015

My Daily Routine: Now Vs Then

[Note: of course this is not my routine every single day (neither for the 'then' nor the 'now' but it is the average for most days]

THEN
Barely sleep from excitement, listen to Mum leave the house for work, begin taking the tablets I have stored in my bedroom. Take a shower and pack a bag then head for the bus stop where I’d get the 309 bus (the timetable memorised in my head). Sit at the back of the bus where I couldn't be seen; swallow more pills. Get to Newcastle city centre and go to a newsagents; buy cheap magazines, a big bottle of water and some ready salted crisps. Go to a Boots store and buy an over-the-counter anti-sickness tablet and a packet of co-Codomol. Go to the train station for the train I’d planned online the night before to go to the place I’d Googled the night before. On the train, sit by myself and take tablets two at a time so as not to raise suspicion, take anti-sickness tablet. Get off the train at my destination and follow the signs to leave the station and find a toilet to take the last 16 tablets. Sit on the floor of the cubicle, take my coat off because I'm all hot, open my crisps and eat a couple before popping all 16 pills out of the packet and swallowing them with the water. As I leave the toilets, I feel hot, sick and have adrenalin so powerful that I pass out. When I wake up, I'm being told not to move and that an ambulance is coming. Either the general public, staff of wherever I am or the police are usually the ones looking after me. The ambulance will come and I’ll tell the paramedics how I've taken a staggered overdose of Paracetamol and they’ll say I have to go to A&E. I’ll tell them that I can’t; that the voices won’t let me and if the police aren't already there then the paramedics call them and I'm put in the ambulance and taken to A&E. I have blood tests and Doctors struggle to find a vein to give me the anti-dote treatment that has to through a vein, but they get there in the end... Usually through doing a central line in my neck. And I start the treatment and the vomiting starts, and the police make excuses to leave my cubicle why the nurses give me anti-sickness meds and vomit bowls. After an hour of treatment, I’m taken to a ward and ask that the curtain can be permanently pulled around my bed area so the other patients don’t see that I have police with me. If they’re nice officers then we might talk and have a bit of banter or I’ll read my magazines before going to sleep – if there’s a gap in my vomiting. And then I'm assessed under the Mental Health Act and have to explain to strangers why this happens.

NOW

I’ll have a bit of lie-in until 10am, I wash the dishes, feed my kitten (Dolly) and clean out her litter tray, make a brew and take my meds. Then I get washed, get dressed, do my make-up and walk to my therapy appointment. We talk for about an hour and sometimes I cry. If I don’t cry then I’ll meet my Mum and I’ll do some shopping then we both go to mine and Mum plays with Dolly. I feel like I’ve given her a grandchild. Mum leaves and my community support comes and takes me to do my food shop and pick my medications from the pharmacy. She helps me unpack my shopping and leaves. I make tea and eat then have a shower and watch Grey’s Anatomy in my bed with Dolly whilst blogging/vlogging or doing Sudoku. I take my meds and then I read and go to sleep.


Note: To see what I've been up to recently, go see my vlogs on my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxkWBmMgubKY3zfqH_VkZJg