Thursday, 20 August 2015

Pros & Cons of Being An Outpatient

Pros
Number One
Less pressure to be doing something constantly, which means I can have a day in bed without it worrying people.
Number Two
Not having to queue for my medication or having to take my night-time meds before eleven pm when I want to stay up late.
Number Three
Not having to spend my time doing something that I don’t want to do or that I will not benefit from e.g. some of the groups in hospital such as ‘Current Affairs.’
Number Four
Not needing permission to do the simplest of things; such as go outside, use a razor and see my Mum.
Number Five
Not having to open my post in front of someone, who then decides whether I can keep everything.
Number Six
Dolly!
Number Seven
No longer waiting for someone to look in on me so that hearing a noise in my home doesn’t mean it’s staff making sure I’m ok.
Number Eight
Fewer arguments in my day-to-day living. Less drama.
Number Nine
Not having to explain myself or beg for PRN medication when I’m especially struggling.
Number Ten
Being able to see my Mum and friends much easier than when I was almost 200 miles away from them.


Cons
Number One
That I can lay on the bathroom floor crying for over an hour and no one will know.
Number Two
That if I don’t take my medication, there’ll only be a fuss about it if I tell someone or if it affects me.
Number Three
I can self-harm and/or overdose and no one could know.
Number Four
I can silently struggle with hallucinations and there not be anyone who notices and suggests medication or a chat.
Number Five
That my best-friend isn’t two doors away.
Number Six
That I have to rely on my kitten to make me laugh instead of actual people; no playing pranks on staff or mattress surfing down the corridor!
Number Seven
There are no materialistic consequences if I self-harm or overdose e.g. I don’t get put in an empty bedroom, or stopped from going out.
Number Eight
Not being able to talk to and get support from the best Doctor EVER! Which means having no professional that I can be 100% Aimee with or who understands me almost as well as I know myself.
Number Nine
Feeling surrounded by professionals who ‘know’ me even less than the hospital staff did.
Number Ten
Only I can stop myself. And sometimes, I don’t.