Thursday, 27 August 2015

Thank You for 100k



Hitting a landmark of 100,000 views, deserves some show of gratitude to all those who have helped me achieve it. And that, is what this post is. 


Family
My Mum is forever the first person that I thank in anything in my life. It''s obvious to say that she's been there from the start but by that, I don't just mean sine I was born. I mean since I first overdosed. She was there when I started hearing voices and first wanted to die. She saved me from myself. She saved me from my abuser - stopped me being his victim and made me a survivor. She saved me from the unsupportive professionals who labelled me with all of the wrong labels. She fought for me when I, and the professionals had given up on me. She never gave up. She made me better. She made them make me better. And she supported I'm NOT Disordered. She is proud to tell people that she is the mother of a blogger. She believes in me and my blog. Thank you Mum.

My Aunt not only supports myself and my blog, but also my Mum and the entire family of Wilson's. She's strong. She holds us all up. She has the strength of a thousand men - as the saying goes. Her life with her paper husband and furry children (inside joke) makes me excited for my own future with a husband and children. She inspires me. And always shares my blog posts. Thank you Auntie Angi.

My Nana, may not be walking on this earth but she's definitely still here. She watches over her family because even a little matter like 'death' wouldn't stop her supporting us. And I know she's proud of me because I've seen how proud she was of me when I learnt to swim. And this is all a bit better than swimming. And knowing how she religiously bought her magazines every week means that featuring in one of her favourites is one of my proudest moments. And saddest. Because she's watching but she can't hug me. Rest in peace, Nana.


Friends
Meeting Chelsea was the second best thing to come from being in a Hospital almost 200 miles from home (the first, was entering recovery!). We were matched well through the buddy programme but we weren't even friends from the outset. We were both awkward around emotions and it wasn't until I saw how fast she can run that we started talking! We had something in common. And across the two and half years we were together, we found that we had a lot more in common. It's strange though, we're the type of friends where, if you met us, you would wonder what we have in common. But it's the deeper part of us. The most meaningful parts. And that, people, makes us soul mates. Needless to say, Chelsea was the one running down the hospital corridor screaming that I'd gotten 100 views on my blog! She's the one who first edited my layout. She's the one who reacts in the same way as I do when opportunities come my way. See? Soul mate. Thank you Chelsea.

Holding Sophie's hair back when she was drunk was one of the best decisions of my life. If I hadn't then she wouldn't have been thankful and we wouldn't have become friends. And I'm glad we're friends. Sophie is the kind of friend who excuses herself from college, to take me for stitches. She's also the kind of friend who doesn't need to read my blog because I tell her in person. And the kind of person to be excited for my celebration of 100,000+ because it means a new dress! Thank you Sophie.

Finding Lauren at Sixth Form during the days when my auditory hallucinations first started was the greatest achievement of those days. She was there for me and when I was poorly, she knew the name of my diagnosis for the paramedics. She knew when I wanted to talk, and when I didn't. She was brave enough to admit which parts of things scared her and now she's even braver. Except when you mention needles going into your skin. That's when she cringes. And she knows these little things about me too. Thank you Lauren.

Before Ellie, I was shallow. She was the first publicly 'different' person to become my friend. She'd cringe at that. Ok, she was the first geek to be my friend. I loved her bravery at being different. She didn't conform. She didn't follow fashion trends. She didn't care what others thought of her. And I wanted all of those qualities. So we were friends. And now I've held both of her children when they were only a few months old, she and her babies are in my life for good. She's curious; she wants to know lots about my head so that she can support me. And I hope in turn, I can teach her children too. Thank you Ellie.

My oldest friend is Steph, who I've known since Middle School at the age of 9 or 10. She's someone who can talk a lot. But in the best way. She loves her friends. She cares for them and does all she can to support them. Like Ellie, she asks me questions to understand better. To help me more. As if it's possible to support or help me anymore than she already does. Steph reads my blog. Not a lot of my close friends actually do that. But I like that she does as it means she cares and has an interest. Thank you Steph.


Professionals
The first professional to thank is my first proper CPN (Community Psychiatric Nurse); Shirley. She watched over me for years. She understood my instinct to finish overdosing and allowed me to initiate my own help when I'd promised that I would. She got me into the long-term hospital after seeing that I had potential. She believed in me when no other professional thought I had a chance.
Second, I'd like to thank one of the Doctors from the hospital; Andrada, who was the first professional in my life to have unlimited time for me. It was never too late for a chat; regardless of what time she was supposed to finish. If I needed her then she was there. She was the only professional to be told more details of my trauma than the Police. She encouraged me to talk and instilled the belief in me that talking, telling someone exactly what was done to me, would help me. And it did. But it wasn't just because of the fact I was talking, it was who I was talking to. And that, was an honour. I genuinely feel that although there are still secrets; for the most part, it's out of me. I'm mostly free.
The third person to thank is my Out of Area Funder; Janice. She was the one person who actually did something when I said I was ready to leave hospital. When I expressed my passion at returning back to my home town. She saw that I was trying and that I wasn't being acknowledged for my progress and effort. And so, she was my greatest professional support in having me moved to a 'rehab' unit nearer home and finally, she helped me move my things to a home of my own. She named it my 'forever home'. And bought me a wrack of for my keys that read 'Aimee's House.' She took me to pick up Dolly. She may be out of my current team now but she'll always have a special place in my recovery. 
Fourth, I'd like to thank my current care team: my CPN, Co-Worker, Therapist, Psychiatrist, Social Worker and Community Support. They're each so vital to my recovery and each help me in a different way with a different point of view. 
Next, thank you to all of the Police who have saved my life and ensured my safety as far as humanly possible. This isn't their job but nothing's changing soon so I guess it's best that they are trained better in mental health. Everyone has an opinion and everyone has disagreements. So I'm grateful to all of the officers who were caring, compassionate, understanding and helpful. 
Finally, to all of the medical staff who have saved my body.
And to the psychiatric staff who have saved my mind. 



Readers
What can I say? I'm NOT Disordered would be nowhere without you guys. And I know that some of you are my friends, some of you have worked with me and some of you are complete strangers. But thank you. To each and every single one of you. In a way, you guys are similar to my Mum in that I genuinely feel that there are not enough words out there to say how very grateful I am to you guys. So thank you for making I'm NOT Disordered into what it is today, without you guys I may not still be blogging, recovering, caring, feeling hopeful and positive and looking forward to every single day because I get to look at my blog and be proud of (on a bad day) at least one thing in my life. 

To thank those closest to me properly, I will be throwing a party to celebrate 100,000+. It is a private party which is why there's been no real mention of it as only those invited have known it is happening. But I thought this was the opportunity to tell everyone that I am doing something special for such a monumental achievement. And of course it will be blogged, photographed and vlogged so even those not invited or unable to attend can experience it. 


THANK YOU FOR JOINING THIS JOURNEY!