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Thursday, 22 May 2025

JOIN A RAPE & ABUSE SURVIVOR AT A HUGE GYNAE APPOINTMENT | VLOG & A COLLABORATION WITH AMAZON UK INCLUDED!

 

I found a strength I've never known
I've been thrown out, I've been burned

When I'm finished, they won't even know your name

You brought the flames, and you put me through hell
I had to learn how to fight for myself

Ke$ha – Praying

On May 2nd, I had to attend an appointment with Gynaecology to discuss having my smear under a general anaesthetic. I decided to film the day for two reasons: the first, was to provide empathy and advice to other survivors and those in a similar situation. The second reason was to give insight to those who judge people for not having this procedure. My general message from this? Don’t judge a person’s journey, when you haven’t walked in their shoes. In case there are people out there who are interested in this experience and don’t want to or can’t watch videos, I thought I would write a quick blog post about it too and managed to get a collaboration with Amazon UK for it! At the end, however, I’ve still also inserted the entire vlog from YouTube…

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Sunday, 18 May 2025

DAY SEVEN MHAW | SERIES RE-CAP & REFLECTION

“Always work hard, be honest, and be proud of who you are.”

Patricia Velasquez

Another Mental Health Awareness Week over! I feel like it actually went so quick! So, for anyone who may have missed some of the posts, I’ve added their links, a bit about each one, my thoughts and feelings upon reflection of each of them, other important links, and any lessons learnt from each post…

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Saturday, 17 May 2025

DAY SIX MHAW | THE BLOGGING COMMUNITY: A Q&A WITH BEST-FRIEND & BLOGGER; MARTIN BAKER OF GUMONMYSHOE.COM | MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS WEEK 2025

“Good friends are those who care without hesitation, who remember without limitation, and who love even without communication.”

Philippos Syrigos

For Day Six of Mental Health Awareness Week, I’ve collaborated with one of my best-friend’s and fellow mental health Blogger: Martin Baker from Gum On My Shoe. I wanted to feature a piece with him to shed light on having each other, as an example of the blogging community. I will never be able to put into words just how much it means to me – how special it feels – to have someone in my life who truly understands one of the most important elements in my life (I’m NOT Disordered/blogging). So, we put together some questions and have each answered them, my answers are on his blog: www.gumonmyshoe.com and his are below…

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Friday, 16 May 2025

DAY FIVE MHAW | HOW MY LOCAL NHS MENTAL HEALTH TRUST ARE TACKLING ‘COMMUNITY’ WITH AN ‘INVOLVEMENT BANK’ | MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS WEEK 2025 WITH CUMBRIA, NORTHUMBERLAND, TYNE & WEAR NHS FOUNDATION TRUST

The Involvement Bank - Cumbria, Northumberland, Tyne and Wear NHS Foundation Trust

“Coming together is a beginning, keeping together is progress, working together is success.”

Henry Ford

I can’t believe Mental Health Awareness Week (MHAW) 2025 is almost at an end; with today being the penultimate piece of content for the Week! Today’s post is in collaboration with my local NHS mental health Trust; Cumbria, Northumberland, Tyne and Wear NHS Foundation Trust (CNTW) and we’ll be looking at the largest points of discussion around this Week’s theme of ‘community’ in particular relation though, to the Trust’s genius creation and incredible operation of their Involvement Bank…

What Is the Involvement Bank?

*The following was inspired by and/or taken from the CNTW website*

The Involvement Bank is a way for service users and carers, who are not paid employees of CNTW, to work alongside staff to make changes to services. Those people who join the Involvement Bank are known as Contributors, and can take part in different involvement activities across the entirety of CNTW wards, services, and departments such as:

  • Staff interviews
  • Research projects
  • Staff recruitment
  • Hospital inspections
  • Working groups
  • Sharing a personal story

The Community Concept Challenged by The Involvement Bank: Us Vs Them

A hugely unhealthy and debilitating culture around community that is incredibly strong in the mental health world, is ‘us vs them’ and I think it’s typically born or created from the fact that often, in psychiatric services, professionals are doing something to a service user, and not necessarily doing it with them. Primarily, I think it’s an equality thing in that it really screams an obvious-ness that service users are somewhat inferior to professionals – particularly in the sense of holding a lot less control over their own life than that which mental health staff can have over it.

Being told you don’t have the mental capacity to consent to or refuse something occurring in your life – no matter how poorly you are – can feel demeaning, patronising, critical, and scary. I mean, your very first thought most often is not gratitude towards that person for realising you shouldn’t have power or control over this – like there’s very rarely any immediate thankfulness for being treat under the 2005 Mental Capacity Act or sectioned under the 1983 Mental Health Act (MHA)! No, if(!) that does come; it tends to be when your section or compulsory treatment etc is all coming to an end and you’re able to recognise that had professionals not stepped in and taken the control they did, your life could have either ended or at the very least, looked incredibly less positive and productive than it does now because of their intervention.

For me, it has taken some time before I have become grateful upon reflecting on professionals using the Capacity Act of MHA to – in my opinion – take over my life. I think that something which, for me, definitely contributes to how challenging it is to be thankful; is that the aftermath of the majority of those instances wasn’t exactly easy or pleasant! Yes, they’ve eventually become helpful and ultimately, lifesaving; but there are things in life where you have to make comparisons and consider balance… For me, sometimes, the horrible moments of hospitalisations under the MHA or the difficult treatment experiences under the Capacity Act, have outweighed the fact that I’ve eventually been able to deem them as helpful.

Now, I always talk about the importance of honesty in life but obviously particularly in mental health and I like to think that literally all the content on I’m NOT Disordered is not only written honestly but also has honest and genuine intentions behind them. I’d like to think that having these qualities has really influenced the blog’s popularity and success, and hopefully this illustrates to readers that honesty really is a good skill and a positive and productive way to live. So, with that in mind, I haven’t always had the greatest of experiences with CNTW’s services (including inpatient wards) and I don’t want readers to think that the fact we’re collaborating means I’m singing their praises and that they’ve done nothing but help me…

The thing which makes it really difficult to talk about, isn’t the worry that it will cause friction with the staff I’m working with in putting this collaboration together – because they know full -well of my negative experiences and have been a huge part in using them to improve the service and prevent those things from happening to other service users and inpatients. No, it’s more about a self-conscious worry of appearing ungrateful; because as I mentioned earlier; the Trust and its services have mostly and ultimately, been lifesaving for me. And so, how do you point out negatives about an organisation who have literally – and not just psychologically, emotionally, and metaphorically – saved your life? Like, isn’t that the ultimate sign of betrayal? Isn’t it the ultimate quality of someone who is ungrateful and negative? Isn’t it a person who focuses on the bad things in life and never sees or recognises and acknowledges everything that is to the contrary? That’s not who I am. At all. And I don’t want to misrepresent myself and have readers who don’t know me personally really misjudge and misunderstand me and what I’m saying.

To be perfectly transparent, in the sixteen years I’ve been in and out (but mostly in!) the care of CNTW, I have had to make five complaints. One against an inpatient ward, one against a Community Psychiatric Nurse (CPN), and three against the Crisis Team (with one complaint towards them being purely because they had repeated the behaviours they’d literally just apologised for from the previous one!). I’d say that the two things which I find motivate me to actually go to the lengths – because let’s face it, it isn’t an easy or pleasant process – of making a formal complaint are:

1.       When the incident – or instances – have left me feeling or being physically unsafe.

2.       When I’ve been sure that if they weren’t corrected, the wrongdoings could be repeated.

Now, I say it isn’t pleasant or easy, not as a dig at the complaints process; it is a tough and detailed one because it needs to be. Because it should be. It’s a serious and significant thing to do – make a complaint against an NHS Trust or service, and so it should be done through an equally serious and significant process. I think that the hardest bit – and it’s something which isn’t isolated to NHS complaints – is the act of having to repeat the details of a horrible experience over and over and, often, to a complete stranger. It’s triggering and – in very serious and emotional instances – can be re-traumatising. I won’t put it on the same level as I found reporting the abuse and rape I experienced when I was younger, but it has a striking resemblance and similarity. And, having gone through those factors and qualities in my report for those traumatic experiences, dealing with similar thoughts and feelings in a complaint, can be a huge reminder of that too.

So, in addition to the obvious impacts of affecting my mood and safety, instances that I would deem negative – but haven’t necessarily made a complaint about – have also left me often massively struggling to rescue any sort of trust I’ve held in the Trust’s staff. I think that the hardest instance of this was actually the complaint against the person who was my CPN at the time because I had grown to trust her and confide in her over the months she’d been in charge of my care. Developing this strain and challenge in my thoughts and feelings around my relationship with the Trust’s staff, really enforced my opinion and feelings around the us vs them culture. Thankfully, this is something that joining the Involvement Bank has confronted and fully taken on as a challenge!

The Bank has done this by encouraging the development of productive and positive relationships between service users and staff through offering opportunities to service users (and carers!) to partner with specific staff, wards, or departments/teams and collaborate on a piece of work/a project/campaign/idea/meeting etc. It’s actually funny – in a genuinely positive way! – that they tried to list the types of opportunities that come up in the Bank on the website (the bit which I copied at the beginning of this post!). Funny because the types of opportunities could honestly make up an actually never-ending list! Like, they can be so different, creative, unique, specialist and specific… But yes, it would be fair to say that those listed – especially the staff interviews – come up more often than some.

In connection with that, what I thought to be a really good move on the part of the Bank staff and their way of working, was that when I joined it, I was asked which areas of the Trust I was most passionate about and interested in being a part of and contributing to. This is actually something which you – if you decide to complete the Expression of Interest Form that is linked at the end of this post – will be asked to select on that Form too. And they honestly do use it to not only shape the opportunities you’re offered/shown, but also to inform their decision as to who is awarded an opportunity when there have been numerous applicants for it. A piece of advice I will give here though, is that when you’re answering this question, always keep in mind whether there’s an area that you think you may develop an interest in. I say this because I didn’t tick the staff interviews option and have since found myself wanting to apply for those opportunities but being constantly unsuccessful because I haven’t stated that I wanted to do them and/or because I now have no experience in doing them.

In doing this aspect of asking for your interests etc., the staff are really recognising the importance of not only a person’s skill and qualification level, but also how vital it can be to the quality and standard of their work if they are actually passionate and interested in what they’re doing. Because, let’s face it, your education and the subjects you’ve studied, don’t always or necessarily reflect your passion, interests, life goals, or personality. I’d like to think that the majority of mine do – simply because I learnt at School that if I don’t like or care about something, I won’t do well in learning more about it or being examined and graded on the quality and standard of my work towards it. Which is why I’ve done numerous – mostly online via FutureLearn or Centre of Excellence – courses in communications, marketing, social media, and mental health.

To provide you with both an example of the opportunities which come up and an example of those which I’m interested in, I currently have three applications in for opportunities. The first is to contribute to training around Personality Disorders. Now, you don’t have to write any kind of application essay or whatever when you register your interest for an opportunity, you can literally just write that you’d like to be considered. However, when I’m really interested in and eager to be given an opportunity, I tend to write a sentence or two – sometimes a paragraph – about why I’d like to do it and the knowledge and experience I have and could offer to the role available. So, in registering my interest for this training one, I mentioned that I have recently had my diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) overturned due to the fact that my recovery has meant I no longer meet the diagnostic criteria (you can read more about it being overturned and how I feel I have overcome the symptoms, in this blog post!). So, with that in mind, I added that it means I can offer both the negative experience and the reality of life with the diagnosis (as I’ve had it for sixteen years) and the positive experience of recovering from it.

The second opportunity I’ve applied for is to tell my personal story of my experience with section 136 of the 1983 Mental Health Act. For those who don’t know, this is the Police power under the Act, and it means they can detain someone who they believe has a mental disorder, is in need of ‘immediate care or control’ and is in a public place. Upon detaining someone, they must take them to a ‘Place of Safety’ e.g. A&E or a 136 Suite, in order to undergo a Mental Health Act assessment to determine whether they should be placed under a different section to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital against their will. To read more about section 136, there’s a really useful page on it on the Mind website here. Again, because of my passion and eagerness to be awarded this opportunity, I wrote a sentence or two in registering my interest and stated that I not only had experience of being detained under this section, but that my experiences were also negative and positive and so I could provide a balanced view on it.

The third opportunity I’m awaiting to hear if I have been successful in my application for it, is actually again about contributing to training on Personality Disorders, but for a different group of people/professionals. So, regardless of it being a different audience, I pretty much mentioned the details and information that I had talked about in my application for that first training opportunity too.

One thing I’ve recently noticed has been that on the adverts for the opportunities, there is the deadline date of the date when you need to have applied by. There isn’t, however, a part stating the date by which you will receive a response. Something the Bank do in connection to this, which is really helpful, is that even if you’re unsuccessful in your application for an opportunity, you still informed of this. With numerous employment applications failing to do that, I’m experienced in how it feels to just never hear back. I appreciate that for larger employment opportunities, there could be a huge number of applications and perhaps that makes it more difficult to inform everyone, but the Bank do it! Something which I wish the Bank could do but which I think isn’t practical, would be if, when you’re unsuccessful, they could let you know why. The Crisis Team from this Trust taught me that something shouldn’t be deemed as a mistake or a regret if you can learn something from it. And so, when I’ve been unsuccessful, I feel that knowing why and seeing what I could change or improve on for next time, would make the application more worthwhile and give it more purpose and productivity. Like I said, this isn’t exactly a practical idea to sit down and take the time to list a reason – or reasons – for each applicant.

One Lesson The Involvement Bank Have Learnt

Now, one lesson which I know for a fact the Involvement Bank have learnt because I helped them learn it(!) was around both the way in which they phrased the rejection (for clarity: by that I mean when you have been unsuccessful in your application for an opportunity!) emails, and the lack of a feature in them.

This lesson came about after the Bank circulated an opportunity which involved – what could be for a lot of people receiving it – a potentially trigger, upsetting, and distressing topic/subject matter in the title and description of the opportunity. As a result of this, I was contacted by a number of others who are on the Bank and expressed their upset – with one actually stating that she now felt unsafe in terms of how she felt she needed to cope with her thoughts and emotions that were a result of the email. I immediately contacted the Involvement Bank to point out the flaw and in receiving a response which, I felt, didn’t really recognise or accept the magnitude of their wrongdoing, I contacted a specific, senior member of the communications and marketing team (since the email was technically a Trust communication). She immediately contacted the Involvement Bank to voice her agreement with my thoughts, feelings, and opinion and a senior member of the Bank staff contacted me to discuss the situation.

In our discussion, I was asked what I thought they should do to better things and to rectify the flaw… My almost instinctual and immediate response was: “isn’t that your job?” and “it’s not my place to tell you how to correct what you’ve done wrong!” But instead, I thought on it because I realised that if they were asking me then perhaps, they genuinely weren’t sure what they should do and that actually, it was a positive thing that they were asking me about it. I mean, they could have very easily thought: ‘we have no idea what to do, let’s just leave it as it is.’ Asking me meant they were eager to try to improve and were willing to listen to a service user in order to make those improvements. This, felt like the ultimate sign of respect and equality so I felt very proud and honoured to be able to provide the advice and recommendations that I did.

I firstly gave my thoughts on the wording of those rejection emails because I felt them to be fairly harsh, abrupt, unapologetic, unexplanatory (genuinely surprised that turned out to be a word when I typed it and Word didn’t correct it!), unproductive, and – in my opinion – more importantly, unsupportive.

I then also made the recommendation that they begin leaving a message within that email stating something along the lines of the fact that there’s the Community Mental Health Teams (if you’re struggling within office hours and are already under the care of the Trust’s Teams) and also contact details for the Crisis Team (for those struggling out of office hours, who aren’t under a Community Team, and/or who are at a point where they’re unsafe and can’t stay safe long enough to wait for a call back from the Community Team). Whilst I don’t know what might be happening ‘behind-the-scenes’ I’ve never received another message from a fellow Involvement Bank member around struggling with an opportunity. So, this shows a level of improvement and progress.

Previous Collaborations (including previous to adding Cumbria Services, when the organisation was titled: NTW)

Mentally Sound interview John Lawlor | 'Ad' | I'm NOT Disordered

Christmas Q&A with NTW Head of Communications | I'm NOT Disordered

NTW NHS sign Time To Change pledge | 'Ad' | I'm NOT Disordered

24hrs with a Police Liason Lead for NTW NHS | I'm NOT Disordered

Mental Health Awareness Week: Top Relationships for John Lawlor | I'm NOT Disordered

Northumberland, Tyne & Wear NHS Foundation Trust Staff Excellence Awards 2017 | Ad | I'm NOT Disordered

CHRISTMAS Q&A WITH CAROLINE WILD, DEPUTY DIRECTOR OF COMMUNICATIONS AT NORTHUMBERLAND, TYNE & WEAR NHS FOUNDATION TRUST | 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS WITH I'M NOT DISORDERED | I'm NOT Disordered

A LAST MINUTE CHRISTMAS Q&A | 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS WITH I’M NOT DISORDERED | I'm NOT Disordered

TIME TO TALK DAY WITH I'M NOT DISORDERED | PART TWO | I'm NOT Disordered

TIME TO TALK DAY WITH I'M NOT DISORDERED | PART FOUR | I'm NOT Disordered

MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS WEEK 2018 WITH I'M NOT DISORDERED | POST SIX | COLLABORATION WITH NORTHUMBERLAND, TYNE & WEAR NHS FOUNDATION TRUST | A REVIEW ON THEIR SELF-HELP GUIDE FOR STRESS | AD | I'm NOT Disordered

LAUNCHING NTW'S ADULT MENTAL HEALTH NETWORK | AD | I'm NOT Disordered

FILMING 'HOPE' WITH THE NHS | IN COLLABORATION WITH NORTHUMBERLAND, TYNE & WEAR NHS FOUNDATION TRUST | AD | I'm NOT Disordered

24HRS WITH... PEER SUPPORT WORKER, LYNDSEY TUNNEY | I'm NOT Disordered

BUT AM I READY TO BE DISCHARGED? | DISCHARGE FROM MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES | IN COLLABORATION WITH CUMBRIA, NORTHUMBERLAND, TYNE & WEAR NHS FOUNDATION TRUST | AD | I'm NOT Disordered

WHY MENTAL HEALTH IS TAKING A BEATING WITH THE CORONAVIRUS PANDEMIC | IN PARTNERSHIP WITH CUMBRIA, NORTHUMBERLAND, TYNE & WEAR NHS FOUNDATION TRUST | I'm NOT Disordered

WHO I’M TURNING TO FOR SUPPORT DURING THE LOCKDOWN | IN JOINT PARTNERSHIP WITH BRIARDALE HOUSE & CUMBRIA, NORTHUMBERLAND, TYNE & WEAR NHS FOUNDATION TRUST | AD | I'm NOT Disordered

THE TRUTH & ADVICE ON RESTRICTIVE PRACTICES | IN COLLABORATION WITH CUMBRIA, NORTHUMBERLAND, TYNE & WEAR NHS FOUNDATION TRUST | I'm NOT Disordered

Q&A WITH CEO JAMES DUNCAN | MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS WEEK: DAY THREE | IN COLLABORATION WITH CUMBRIA, NORTHUMBERLAND, TYNE & WEAR NHS FOUNDATION TRUST | I'm NOT Disordered

THE IMPORTANCE OF RECOGNISING SKILLS, ASSETS, & QUALITIES | THE STAFF EXCELLENCE AWARDS 2022 | IN COLLABORATION WITH CUMBRIA, NORTHUMBERLAND, TYNE & WEAR NHS FOUNDATION TRUST | I'm NOT Disordered

BLOGMAS 2022 | DAY NINE: CHRISTMAS WITH... CNTW MEMBERSHIP & ENGAGEMENT OFFICER; JACK WILSON | I'm NOT Disordered

BLOGMAS 2022 | DAY ELEVEN: CHRISTMAS WITH… CNTW CEO; JAMES DUNCAN | I'm NOT Disordered

BLOGMAS 2022 | DAY TWENTY-THREE: CHRISTMAS WITH… CNTW COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR; DEBBIE HENDERSON | I'm NOT Disordered

WHY THERE’S DIFFERENT ANXIETY WITH DIFFERENT SERVICES | MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS WEEK 2023 | IN COLLABORATION WITH CUMBRIA, NORTHUMBERLAND, TYNE & WEAR NHS FOUNDATION TRUST | I'm NOT Disordered

Finally, if you meet the criteria (detailed here) to be a member of the CNTW Involvement Bank, you can download the Expression of Interest Form below…

I'm interested in joining the CNTW Patient and Carer Involvement Bank



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Thursday, 15 May 2025

DAY FOUR | WEAR IT GREEN DAY | MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS WEEK 2025


“Be a rock to others in need, be a rock of support to those who are facing critical issues, be a rock full of caring, but be a rock who recognizes that you also will experience times when you need to seek your own rock.”

Byron Pulsifer

Wear it Green Day | Mental Health Foundation

Today, the Mental Health Foundation has created a fundraising event/campaign branded Wear It Green Day (hence the photos in my green jumper!). The purpose of today is to both raise money for the Foundation’s research and delivery of programmes, and to increase general awareness of mental health. They have created an entire page on their website which is full of information, promotional social media graphics and useful, downloadable resources:

Poster

Bunting

Raffle Guide

Sponsorship Forms

Quizzes

Conversation Cards


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